The Love Quest - A True Life Story on my Journey to Motherhood

Hi folks, it’s our story time. You just won’t believe how my day went today. Got several wishes from people wishing me a happy mother’s day. Since I have tons of you here, this is me saying a happy mother’s day to all our mothers and intending mothers.  The world wouldn’t be complete without the love and support you bring to the family.   God bless you really good.

The journey to motherhood came to me as a shock. I slept one night an innocent being and woke up the next day a pregnant woman.  A new world I really wasn’t prepared for.  In today’s story I’ll be letting you into my journey to motherhood. A story I can’t run from. 

I am Aijanyain Lisa Idia. An entrepreneur, family counselor with specialties as a single mum therapist and a life coach. I grew up and schooled in the city of Lagos till I went to Benson Idahosa University Benin, where I graduated with B.A in International Studies and Diplomacy and a unique title of a "Single Mum".

School days was an entirely different world I wasn't prepared for. I got rushed by freedom, leadership, discipline, planning and many more nobody hinted me about. Well! Maybe it's one of those things people find out in life’s journey that no one teaches.

I struggled with keeping up with my life goals, especially the one of being a Virgin till I got married.

I didn't have that strong bond with my mum or my siblings. (Even when they tried engaging me in such talks it sounded odd to me. I preferred my solo moves in the house). I just couldn't communicate my pains to them.

You could say, you had the church to pick up godly principles from; aren't you a Christian?

Yes I am but going to church is a different ball game from applying principles taught or read from the Bible. Church for me was another place where, everyone was too doctrine-minded, the Bible says this and that. We all know what the bible says yet can we be real? I mean can someone be realistic on how I can manage the consistent several dating proposals from suitors or how to control the butterflies in my tummy rather than this bible says sermon. The practical life illustrations were left for the society to dictate. Whose slip-stream can I slide into for some realistic guide? I thought.

I had another life goal, which was to finish with good grades and get married before my 25th birthday. I wanted an escape from the house at least marriage was a legal escape, so I thought and I pursued it to the letter. But the bible knew what it meant by ‘do not be unequally yoked with unbeliever’. I survived that pressure in school for another 2years until one day when I lost it all – I lost my dignity and pride to some comedian. I called him such because upon writing this story I remembered how abusive the entire relationship was but yet he was the only persistent person on my list (I thought persistence was love). Apparently on a second thought, may be his persistence was because he needed a brilliant girlfriend who could help him out with his assignment while he whiled away time on frivolities. With all my findings I couldn’t say NO. I really wanted to marry the guy who got me laid first, so I endured all pains till my final year in school.

Finally, I got irritated with his excesses, I broke up with him officially even though I had broken up with him in my mind long before then. Before our break up I met my son’s father. Who I wanted to use as a support from the pains of being lonely, in short his presence gave me the momentum to confirm my earlier NO.

I lost my identity in Jesus. I thought I needed a relationship with a man to enjoy love

Each time I had to get laid it was usually a mix feeling but the prominent one was I died of guilt /and pain. I was in some relationship but none of which could fill the space.

I honestly didn’t enjoy the genuineness of the word Love from my folks/immediate family. I struggled with my esteem even at home. I remembered on one occasion when my sister was on phone with her friend (I guess I was in primary 4 or so). I was speaking at the background and the other party asked who it was speaking, she responded “it’s our house girl”, with a smile on her face. I felt bad, although that could have been a joke or rather an expensive joke because aside from that she always used derogatory words at me like, ugly girl, olodo and often times comparing me with several others who were seemingly better off than I am.

I endured all of this and many more. Less I forget the age difference between myself and my elder siblings ranged from 9-11 years. I couldn’t air my opinions in conversations, if I do express my opinions or pains on an issue I hear the regular sermon of “you don’t have respect I am not your mate…” All of this turned me into an introvert in my house, (sometimes I stayed as one even in public) I lost the jovial sanguine I was.

After school, I returned home briefly, I wasn’t going to stay in that house and go through emotional and psychological trauma. Got back to Benin, started post school life after praying to God, for grace to remain faithful to him. I picked up some Volunteering job in church then, got more devoted in the things of God and I finally found LOVE in what I was doing- the church had an NGO where I handled official/ field duties.

Suddenly, I felt some unusual changes, my past finally caught up with me. I ran a test and BOOM!!! I was pregnant. I was so angry because I had broken all ties with the man to focus on GOD. Phew!! I called the supposed father but of course his response is as good as your guess. At this point I felt GOD WASN’T FAIR.

I wallowed in pain till…

GODS FAITHFULNESS

Who remembers God’s promise on giving us burden within our power, that was my case. I didn’t know the strength I had in me till that season of my life. GOD connected me with Dr Tolu Sowande (one I am entirely grateful to).

Dr Mrs Tolu Sowande

At that time, she was my Cell (home fellowship) Leader and member of my church too. I searched around my mind to see who could help me with “the right drugs” to evacuate the child. Made some move, one of which was going to UBTH to see a doctor who was a “renowned abortion expert”. I left there feeling worse because all I got was a preacher with a thousand and one reasons why I shouldn’t do it.  

I cried my eyes out. On the day I summoned courage to tell Dr Tolu about my ordeal. I was very excited, I thought God had answered my prayers with “supernatural abortion”, because there was this gush of thick blood I saw on my underwear.  I reached out to her via text message. She drove down, we spoke and she gave me some money to run a scan. While on the bed, the DOCTOR said “congratulations madam your baby is doing fine” with so much excitement for me (I really don’t get, what’s wrong with this man? I thought) he reached out to congratulate me. I died inside me, picked my result and headed straight to her.

On arrival at her place, she checked the result, went through it and asked the big question “what do you want to do”? I want to abort it, help me with the drugs to use. Lol, (wrong network) she obviously refused. I left there and tried to get help elsewhere, to no avail.

So this day- I think it was a Sunday night, I had agreed with someone to go see another doctor by Monday morning. I laid on a sofa in my friend’s place. She came to wake me up to say her mum was calling me. I went with her frightened and yes her mum confirmed my fair in her words “my pikin, I have been on a fasting program in church and I saw my daughter in a serious police case. I told my pastor and he has asked me to ask my daughter...She has explained all to me. I just want to tell you, not to try abort the child because if you do you will either die or lose your womb. If you need a place to stay, my doors are opened to you”. That was rather too harsh and direct for me to ignore. The rate at which fear gripped my entire soul I couldn’t do otherwise. (let me say a big thank you to the Evelyn Albert nee Obasohan

Mrs Evelyn Albert  Obasohan

and the entire Omoregie family for opening their doors to me – a stranger. I can’t pay you for it but may god bless. Amen)

After all the several negative (positive) feedback, I ran back to Dr T, to say I was ready to keep it. Herself and her husband took the responsibility of all financial and emotional implication. The devil tried to toil with my mind as I contemplate exile to a strange land. I had previous toasters around laughing at me and singing this song “Ekaete don carry belle, shakara don end o.”

God gave me the strength and grace to face it all and come out victorious. I really could not explain the confidence I had and still have. In short I saw myself as righteous because I knew a lot of people go through that same situation but take the supposedly “smart moves”.

While this experience lasted, there was this voice that kept applauding me in my heart. The applause kept me going as I tell myself always we all go through things no one understands. Its ok to be in the rain, but after the rain comes a rainbow! And the sun shines again because the rain will always pass. Yes, this has since been and till date remains my reality as my son is almost 5years already and I am getting stronger and wiser in life and in my responsibility as a single mum too. (to be continued)... .

My recommendations for all are:

·         Build a relationship with the holy Spirit- he will guide you on your purpose.

·         Abstinence still remains the golden rule. Sex only clouds your vision. Even when you explore life, seek good counsel. 

·         Get for yourself Godly mentors and counsels who will help to guide you in the way of the Spirit.

·         Build friendship– this gives you an idea of the buildup of the opposite gender which will later form your guide for an ideal relationship/partner when you are ready for one. Don’t get tangled in unfruitful commitments, enjoy friendship.

lets know if this post inspired or enlightened you. If you need to speak with someone please feel free, send us a message at letstalkidia@gmail.com or leave a comment here or  a dm via our social media handles.

Remember to wash your hand and stay safe!!!